DO This: Recover your Grit

Someone recently asked me : “How do I recover the grit and will to succeed in life I had a long time ago, but I lost over time?”

As someone who has had a +/- net worth swing of over $500M in the last 15 years, this question, unfortunately, I know something about.  Rediscovery of yourself is also a happy side effect of taking the Red Pill.

Grit is the magic combination of perseverance and passion. Put that on top of above average intelligence, some money and your social network and BINGO : success in life. See where you are on the GRIT scale today by taking the assessment. Personally, Grit is not something I can keep applying over the long term (say 10 + years) without burn out. Grit takes ALOT of energy. It is easy to loose without quite a bit of resilience.   The good news is most everyone has the CAPACITY for GRIT for certain things. If you feel you once “had grit” and have “lost grit”, I suggest you do the following:

1. Go back to the time you “had grit”. What were you doing? Why were you doing it? With whom? What about that time/activity gave you the extra passion to put in the extra effort? The purpose here is not to re-create the same conditions in the past, rather to become aware of what they were.

2. In remembering and reliving the time you “had grit”, write down as many specific feelings that come up about those times. I find it helpful to use a detailed feeling list like this one. (who knew there were more feelings than “happy” and “angry”?)

3. Now roll forward to today and take an assessment of how your current life is going by doing some self assessment tests like these. Pay most attention to the values exercises and strengths/weaknesses.

4.   Next, create a list of all activities you are doing today within a week that take more than one hour of your time. Here is one I did way back in 2005 as an excel spreadsheet.  My typical week Jan 2005.  List work, family commitments, raising children, volunteering, sleep, workout, etc. Next to each activity, put the number of hours a week you do that activity. The total must be 168 hours. Add to this list three activities off your “if only i had the time” list. The things you believe you would love to do, or would be good at if you only had time to get around to them.

5. Take the top five positive feelings you felt way back when you had grit (from step 2) and write them down on the left side of a piece of paper. On the right side list all the activities from step 4, including the “if only” items, from the greatest time suck to the least. Now draw lines from each feeling word to each activity that also produces that feeling.  Write the number of feeling connections made next to each activity.  Here is one of mine from today:

mgt feeling activity matrix june 2016

 

6. What activities on the right are related to the most number of positive feelings from the previous “success state”? Those are the activities to peruse to regain a feeling of success.  In my recent exercise, the top 5 positive “success” feelings were, flowing, appreciative, curious, helpful and balanced.  The top three activities which created those feelings were “teaching my kids a life lesson, helping them”, “sharing my life lessons with friends/others”, and surf/harley/take a month off every six months.

It is important to remember that “success” and the “feeling of success” may be different things. What you are capable of generating grit for may not result in “success” as defined eternally. It is important to note that what feels like success may not pay the bills of life.  If that is your situation, you need to then decide how much of the bills you are willing to give up in order to live more in line with your feelings of success.  What you choose to apply grit to very definitely feeds your soul in a successful way. I define success today at 52 much differently than when I was 30. I am not trying to recreate the “success” of my 30s, rather define success into my 50s and beyond.

DO this: Breath exercises + Cold shower = improved immune response and more GRIT

Image result for cold shower

A couple of years ago I read that taking a cold shower first thing in the morning would be good for me (yea right).  I recently found a fairly lively “cold showers are bullshit” contingency out there, so time for a second look.  Breathing exercises (a mix of hyper ventilation and holding the breath) have also been bantered about among my climbing, surfing and yoga friends for various health benefits.  The major proponent of combining these (with an emphasis on the cold parts) is a crazy Dutchman named Wim Hof.  He has even commercialized his “method” if you have an extra $200 to spare.  There is some third-party validation SCIENCE behind the practice (a necessity for me to try anything).  He recently did an AMA on Reddit which is quite self promotional, but fairly educational.  I found an abbreviated explanation of a morning ritual version of the “method” in the June issue of Outside Magazine.   For the last week I have been doing this every morning.  Here is an explanation of my “modified Hof method” and a first impression.

METHOD:  The Martin Tobias modified Hof method of breathing and cold immersion.

Follow these steps in the morning immediately before picking up a device, having coffee, eating, or training.  Initially do it lying down, with a friend near by who you trust enough to hear you scream like a little girl.

  1.  Lie on the ground/floor (not in your bed).
  2. Inhale deeply but not quickly, pulling in as much air as you can.  When you think your lungs are full, suck in some more.
  3. Exhale fully but not quickly (you may pass out); simply let the breath out.
  4. Repeat in/out for 30 to 40 rounds at whatever pace is comfortable.  If you start to feel light-headed, slow down.
  5. On the last round, exhale and then hold your breath until your body feels the need to breathe.  For me this is about 1-1:30 minutes, your mileage will vary.
  6. Inhale deeply but not quickly, then hold your breath for 10 seconds.
  7. Repeat steps 3-6 for three or four rounds.  Total of 90-160 breaths.
  8. After your final round, hop in a cold shower.  Put your whole damn body in there, move around. Do not just have the water hit one arm or side of your body.  If the you feel the water warming up after a few seconds, turn it down.  Try to stay in initially for at least 30 seconds (this is where the screaming like a girl comes in), over time try to work up to 3-5 minutes and maybe even use a little soap or shampoo to have something to do.

EVALUATION:

I have done this for seven days now.  The breathing part has been easy and even enjoyable.  I have to remember to slow down or hyperventilation makes me too light-headed (hence the floor).  The cold shower is the hardest part and there has been alot of screaming.  First day I only lasted about 20 seconds.  After seven days I am up to 3 minutes and can get a fairly productive shower done in that time including taking the shower wand down and getting the cold all over.

No noticeable mental or physical benefits, but I didn’t expect to see/feel any.  I have a distinct feeling of accomplishment.  Of beating back the fear.  Every day of practice makes it easier and builds overall confidence.   Total morning time is about 7-8 minutes.  It is actually less total time than my prior long hot lazy showers were.  I think I will stick with it for the next month and re-evaluate.  It adds very little overhead, has proven science upside, and delivers a daily small victory first thing in the morning.  This one is a keeper for now.

As with all tools I write about here, your mileage may vary.  I only pass along the ones I have personally found to be helpful or interesting or carry very little downside with fairly meaningful potential upside.  I encourage your own examination and experimentation.  Your path is your own and you have to take your own steps.  But DO TAKE STEPS.

RESOURCES:

Becoming the Iceman

 

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Measure and Understand Your Grit

DO This: Practice beating fear and facing the flinch. 

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A couple of months ago my 15-year-old daughter asked me how she can overcome some of her fears.  The “I don’t like to be home alone at night or walk down a dark alley” type.  At the time I was stumped. As a manly man if a buddy had asked that question the obvious answer would be “grow a set you pansy!” Followed by endless shaming until the guy admitted he wasn’t a wuss anymore. As a man I have been shamed out of fear my whole life.

A little birdie (years of therapy) in my hypothalamus sat up and urged me to take a different tack with my daughter.  So I mumbled something about “you only get good at things you practice” and proceed onto google.  Four months, much reading and many trials later I actually have found a few things that are appropriate for exactly the situation I have: a 15-year-old girl with normal age related anxiety  in a few areas and a desire to get a little more gritty and tough.

We tried the first fear buster test at home tonight.  Watch the video of my attempt below.  Hat tip to Julien Smith in The Flinch for this technique that I have added onto.

Directions are simple.  It takes less than two minutes.  Get up right now and go to your cupboard.  Pick out a little used but once loved coffee cup or glass.  Hold it out in your hand at arm’s length, shoulder height.  Now drop the cup!  Yes you heard me drop the damn cup!  Now clean it up.  Sit down and write a list of every feeling that you felt before during and after dropping the cup.  Use a feeling list like this if you have to.  Naming feelings in detail reduces their power over you.  You can just notice them like anything else.  “oh, there is dread.  And his friend fear.  How interesting.”  This exercise takes you through (slight) emotional distress, into analysis and onto (hopefully) some increased awareness and confidence all in less than 10 minutes with very little risk to life or limb.

It took my daughter a couple tries before she could drop the cup.  The flinch made her arm go limp a few times before she pushed it aside. All the training to be careful and don’t break things.  Yet there was her father giving her permission to break stuff and there would not be any consequences.  The monkey mind couldn’t deal. Couldn’t reconcile the conflict.  Multiple disaster scenarios raced through her head. Fear and dread took over. But with my encouragement she pushed through and found out that nothing bad happened.  She stared down the flinch and won.  One step at a time. Keep building and practicing and larger fears will lose their sway.

Like anything else the journey starts with the first step. If you want to get tougher try the cup drop challenge. All you have to lose is a little fear and a cup you don’t use anyway.